The Fun is Gone
If you are experiencing a decrease in your sex drive following the delivery of your baby, please do not fret too much as you are not alone in this common phenomenon following delivery. Decreased libido postpartum is a source of worry for mothers as they deliver as it can lead to a lot of frustrations and frictions within couple relationships.
Understanding how it arises and the best means to get your groove back and return to an active sex life is of paramount importance to you.
It is perfectly normal for your libido to hit rock bottom within the first six to nine months after delivery.
Nature and Nurture Effect
There is so much happening in the postpartum period. From the pain and stress of the delivery process itself, the issues related to episiotomy and its healing, the difficulty in easing back to a normal routine, the fear of you getting pregnant again especially as you haven’t commenced any form of contraception, the problems associated with taking care of a new born with its attendant frustrations and the vagaries of the hormonal changes occurring in the postpartum period.
Sex is hence usually relegated to the background on account of all these events.
Decreased libido postpartum affects over 90 of women following delivery.
If you have had a cesarean delivery it can also impact on your ability to have a normal sex drive. Mothers with puerperal blues also have difficulty engaging in sex postpartum and can become hostile to their partners.
The hormones of pregnancy are involved intricately in the events of lack or loss of libido following delivery. The hormones estrogen and progesterone rise over a thousand times during your pregnancy and they come crashing down drastically with delivery sometimes to the menopausal range. The low estrogen that results from this menopausal levels can lead to vaginal dryness and irritability that detracts from the sex drive.
Oxytocin is involved in breastfeeding and it is also elevated when hugging or when you are having sex. After delivery, with all the breastfeeding and hugging and cuddling of baby, you get all your oxytocin excitement and effect from your baby decreasing the effectiveness of the sex drive driven via oxytocin release and hence dampening the sex drive and your libido.
Prolactin hormone is involved in maternal postpartum behavioral sex and libido reflexes. You release prolactin at elevated levels during pregnancy and more especially following delivery. It maintains very high levels following delivery to ensure effective lactation and it also suppresses estrogen ensuring that your period does not return to normal causing anovulation especially when you are doing exclusive breastfeeding. Prolactin helps you to relax while you are nursing and also decreases your libido.
Decrease in libido can happen even in men whose wives have just delivered as there is evidence that prolactin levels in new dads rise with an associated decrease in testosterone levels and these two factors contribute to lead to loss of libido, decrease in sexual drive and an increase in parental care in fathers.
The Groove Returns
Do not feel overly depressed about your low libido as this is perfectly a normal evolutionary process that helps maintain the capacity for you to nurture your new born and ensure you propagate your motherly care appropriately. To get your groove back while maintaining your care of your baby and making sure your relationship with your couple remain top-notch you need to ensure you practice the following:
Have an open conversation – A problem shared is a problem solved. Discuss with your partner about your feelings and the reduction or loss of your libido and understand that this is a phase that will pass as well. Open communication goes a long way in improving and enhancing intimacy. Have a quiet time together, take a stroll especially when the baby napping
Be honest with each other – Adjust your expectations gradually and do not rush your return to a very active sex life. Invest time in your selves, and realize this is a new phase in your relationship. Talk about the physical changes your body is going through and how it might impact on your appreciation of each other and your sex life. Refrain from comparing your new body to the prepregnancy body.
Buy new lingerie and other erotic items – This is for erotic stimulation of your spouse, engage the senses involved in sexual arousal and stimulation, do not let the baby aroma overtake the home as this can also dampen the sex drive and lead to decrease in libido.
Create time for each other – The best advice will be to set time apart for each other by hiring someone to look after the baby for a few hours for example a nurse or get relatives to help out so you can have quality time together with your partner. Getting out of the nursing mood and attending a party together does wonders for couples at this time. Look for ways to show affectation like cuddling on the couch, touching each other, kissing remembering that you don’t actually have to have sex to be intimate with each other.
Don’t use the baby as excuse – Do not continually let other activities including taking care of the new baby take up all your time and use that as an excuse not to invest time in reconnecting with your spouse. Always bear in mind that this phase will pass and you will not want to be too lonely when its over so you need to start early enough to remember that you are still a couple even though you two have become parents.
Manage vaginal dryness – Engage in lots of foreplay when you eventually have a go at it and the use of lubricants to manage the vaginal dryness that accompanies loss of libido postpartum will help to immensely smoothen out the process of love making.
Postpartum depression – Postpartum depression is not the same as loss of libido so be sure you do not confuse both and be on lookout for symptoms and signs of depression like insomnia, lack of desire for things that are important, extreme tiredness, restlessness and frank aggression and seek for medical attention if you notice unusual symptoms. Decreased libido must also be differentiated from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) which is not limited to the postpartum period.
Lastly
Decreased libido postpartum is a worrying phenomenon that can be traumatic for you as a new mother if you have just delivered and knowledge about it and its phasic nature is lacking. Knowledge about this very crucial postpartum event helps tremendously to relieve the stress associated with it and is the first step in recovery of the lost or decreased libido.
The reproductive system is a peculiar system that works to support the new born baby and dampens the sexual urge in both man and woman to effect the ultimate care of the newborn. By implementing our outlined strategies above you can work to overcome this and return your sexual drive and desire to prepregnant levels and get our groove back while giving ultimate care to your baby.
To your healthy postpartum experience
Dr mawa
mypostnatalmanagement.com
