Every new mom desires a return to a normal way of life following delivery and can’t wait for this to happen and quick as well. This is why you engage in activities like exercise, healthy eating, tummy trimming, yoga and all sorts all in search of that quick return to your prenatal life.
These are all perfectly normal and hence an early return of sexual intercourse should not be an exception. We all seek to know when is the time appropriate to consider a return to having intercourse.
Postpartum intercourse or lack of it is a worry as the events of delivery and its aftermath and the stress of taking care of a new born baby are all things that determine how and when to start frolicking again.
Facts to consider before reengaging in sex
The absolute truth is that there is no one perfect time that can be said to be the optimal time to return to an active sex life following your delivery. The following are some things that you will bear in mind and consider carefully to enable you determine if the time is right for you.
The Baby
Taking care of a new born baby is more than a full time job. The demands of the baby are varied and numerous and is ever-changing that you can devote your whole day and time to it and still find that you haven’t done all the work. It is an exhausting business and you need to consider that and map out time in due course for your partner.
Injuries During Delivery
If you have had a vaginal delivery, the stretching, the tears, the episiotomies and the sustained trauma to the pelvic floor you received during the birthing process is a hindrance to early restart of coitus and usually this should be allowed to heal before reconnecting so it reduces the chance of breakdown of sutures and allow the muscles tone up again. The injuries usually heal in one to two weeks following delivery.
Bleeding
You may have had postpartum hemorrhage (PPH) which can also present a hindrance to early intercourse especially if it is secondary hemorrhage. PPH causes anemia following delivery which makes you weak all the time and coupled with baby care it becomes an extra stress to start considering intercourse at this time until full recovery.
The Lochia Flow
Lochia flow is as a result of the breakdown of the extra cells and tissues the uterus has accumulated during pregnancy both in the muscles of the uterus and in the endometrium as the uterus returns to shape following delivery. This can last for a week or two and can be bloody in the initial stages and intercourse will not be fun at this time. There is also a great likelihood of infection occurring if intercourse is commenced on a baseline of lochia flow in these early stages.
Exhaustion and Sleep Deprivation
You are practically exhausted from the time of delivery and from nursing that you hardly find time to develop the right mood and state of mind that will elevate your desire to the point of wanting to have intercourse. This is a major hindrance to intercourse and if you do not make a very conscious and deliberate effort to improve on your exhaustion and sleep deprivation you may remain in this sexless state for a very long time.
Changes in Body Form
Pregnancy alters your body and shape in ways and manners you never ever anticipated or will likely contemplate prepregnancy. This can have very marked psychological effects on you that it may limit sexual urge and dampen sexual desire. This loss of shape and form extends down to the vagina both physically and psychologically that it may become a hindrance to initiating sex and returning to a normal sex life early.
How to start reconnecting again
Be Honest and Open
There are lots of changes that has happened to you since the birth of your baby and you need to discuss your feelings with your partner. Sometimes you may not even be in the mood early on but you will be glad you did afterwards. An honest and open communication goes a long way in assuring you that you are still desirable to your partner and that he also will be able to let you know that he understands the pain and stress you are going through and is ready to help you get through it for both of your sakes.
Try Different Approaches and Techniques
You may have lost your libido with your delivery and there are marked changes to the location of your joy spots post delivery and the things that tickle your fancy most. The sex positions you enjoyed prenatal may not be what you desire anymore and the postpartum period presents a whole new world of rediscovery of your body and your fantasies by both of you and exploring yourselves and your desires at this time is on a whole new plane. The opportunity should not be missed to help restore your fantasies and even help resolve some sex related issues that may be preexisting before pregnancy. You should try different techniques and approaches in the postpartum period to rediscover your body again.
Make Sex Impromptu
Sex should not always be a planned and pre-planned rigid and uninteresting affair. There are lots of joy to be derived in engaging in unplanned, surprise, impromptu sex especially as both of you may have taken turns to lure the baby to sleep and you are now relaxing, this may present a perfect setting for lovemaking. This may not work all the time as the mood helps in determining how this works out. So make conscious effort to utilize any opportunity that presents an opening for restarting
Having quickies are also important in trying to reestablish a loving relationship with your spouse as it is a reflection of the intense pleasure you feel in each other’s presence so this is a welcome one
Early Foreplay and Romance Helps
Engage in early in the day foreplay, touching and kissing and pecking during the day can help to set the mood for events later in the day. Sending romantic text messages during the day also helps set the tone for events later in the day. Romantic settings also are a help in reengaging like candle light settings and dinners. Constantly complimenting each other for little acts of love and kindness and thoughtfulness are also of great benefit towards restarting sex early.
Ways to facilitate early return to sex
To help you on the road to early recovery of your groove and ease you back early into pleasurable postpartum sexscapades, you need to be aware that you do not need to force the process as it can backfire if initiated wrongly both in time and technique.
Open Communication
There is no substitute to open frank communication and relating how you feel to your partner. This should be started early in the postnatal period and not left in the back burner as the baby takes center stage. This is a no holds barred discussion and can even be a time to address prenatal sex issues you may be nursing as your partner is very respectful now and eager to please you.
Exercise
The vagina and the pelvic floor have received a serious bashing with the delivery and engaging in kegels exercise helps to tighten and tone the pelvic floor and the vagina and restores the vagina to its prenatal shape for a more pleasurable experience of sex.
Use of Sitz Bath
When you have had an episiotomy for delivery, the use of Sitz bath helps to improve blood flow to the perineum and helps protect the stitches from getting infected so that they can heal quickly. The proper healing of episiotomy helps to return the vagina to its pre-delivery shape.
Contraception
You should really consider contraception early on in the postpartum period, this removes the fear of an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy which is a major hindrance for most couples reconnecting early postpartum. Contraception also helps to improve the loss of libido and vagina dryness associated with early postpartum especially with breastfeeding that lowers estrogen levels.
Sex Aids and Sex Toys
The use of sex toys is recommended if it can help ease you back into the game, sex aids like lubricants can help you also while you wait for your natural vaginal secretions to resume and they help increase the pleasure. Any other form of assistance that may be helpful is also encouraged. Do not be shy in investing some resources in getting these aids and toys as they go a long way in helping you enjoy the experience.
Masturbation before engaging in the actual sexual intercourse has been found to help some ease back smoothly into a regular sex life.
Common sex problems postpartum
Painful Postpartum Sex
Starting sex very early can be a very harrowing experience for some people as the pain of sex can be as a result of the trauma received from the delivery process, the episiotomy and its repair and the effect of the dryness of the vagina resulting from the hormonal changes of pregnancy
You can ameliorate this by:
The use of lubricating jelly to make the vagina more receptive, asking your partner for a neck massage to calm you down before intercourse, you can also take analgesics if the pain can be reduced by taking it, engaging in sex frequently also will help to remove the fear and take care of the pain of intercourse
Kegels exercise also helps in taking care of postpartum pain from intercourse and regular kegels is recommended as it helps tone up the pelvic floor muscles and vaginal tone improves in the process.
If the pain persists after this initial measures you have instituted, you can consult your doctor to review and do a proper physical examination as the pain could be from the episiotomy that didn’t heal well or as a result of a scar tissue formation from the vaginal repair.
Loss of libido
One of the most concerning and worrying event of the postpartum periods is the fear, whether real or not, of the loss of libido. This worries women so much that it can lead to unnecessary delay of return to intercourse. The loss of libido can be as a result of the psychological and social factors surrounding delivery like feeling of change in body form and shape, stress and tiredness from managing the newborn.
You can regain your lost libido by:
Having an open and honest communication and dialogue about your anxieties and fears will go a long way in addressing the feelings you have. Holding hands, a walk in the garden, a simple night out with someone else taking care of the baby are all measures you can initiate to recover your lost libido. Surprises are a wonderful way to start regaining your libido, give your partner surprise gifts, surprise kisses and touches and see the impact that makes on your love life.
Postpartum Female Sexual Dysfunction(PPFSD)
This is a serious sexual morbidity problem that occurs to women postnatally. It is the impaired ability of a woman to participate in or enjoy satisfactory sexual intercourse and orgasm. It is classified by the American Psychiatry Association into
- Sexual desire dysfunction (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder)
- Sexual pain disorders (Dyspareunia, Vaginismus and Vulvodynia)
- Sexual arousal disorder
- Female orgasmic disorder
The correct classification and therapy for patients presenting with postpartum female sexual dysfunction will require collaboration between you and your healthcare provider to assess the level of affectation and counsel on the appropriate management strategy to prevent chronic sequelae on sexual and reproductive life.
Regain your sex life
There is no wrong or right way to restart your sex life following delivery. It all depends on how you are able to negotiate the early postpartum period as regards the events of delivery, the care of the baby, the relationship between you and your spouse from the prenatal to the postnatal period, the social and psychological factors surrounding your delivery and how you deal with them and how you cope with the different sexual problems that may militate against your early return including the input of your healthcare providers in the very serious disorders that may affect your desires and intercourse itself.
Dr mawa
To your postpartum health and freedom
mypostnatalmanagement.com
